A letter to my depression.

Dear depression,

First of all,you’re not a dear.I don’t love you.

No,stop that. I know we’ve been through a lot.

You were there the day my ex-best friend called me fat.

You were there the day I failed on that math test and they told me I was never going to be good at it.

You were there the day my old boyfriend called me a whore.

You were there the day they told me I am not good enough at drawing.

You were there the day a teacher told me I am not talented at writing.

You were there the day my dad told me that I am not allowed  to pursue a career at business administration.

You were there when I didn’t get the best result at my exams for college.

You were there,to tell me to stop trying,to tell me that nothing’s worth fighting for.You were there to tell me that I’m fat but that’s alright because no one will ever care anyway.You were there,and I listened to you.

I listened to you by ignoring the people who seemed to care because you made me think that they didn’t.

I listened to you and stayed home losing valuable time with my best friends.

I listened to you and cried long time,losing my sleep,being tired the next day.

I listened to you and stayed in bed doing nothing.

I listened to you,and thought of ending this thing called life.But I didn’t manage to.

And then you told me I am not even capable of trying to do that.

But I am not going to listen this time.

I am leaving home, going to college,and I am leaving you behind, with all these bad memories.

I have paint, some brushes and a canvas, and I am going to paint,and draw, as much as I can.

I have a laptop,and I am going to write,and write.As much as I can.

I will get out of bed,go to school,eat healthy, work out, go out with friends, have a good time, talk with boys, I am going to do all that.

I know that leaving you behind is not going to be enough.You will find the way to get back to me. Your voice will try to make me let you stay. But I won’t. I won’t listen.

This life is mine,and you are not allowed to tell me what to do anymore.

I will learn to love myself,more than anything.I will, I promise you this.

Goodbye.